The tiny Cpafner (pronounced with a silent ‘t’) is the only animal in the forest to prey solely on humans for survival. Spending six years at a time hibernating inside pig eggs, it emerges for only a day to take care of its foul business.
When it comes into season, the Cpafner bursts forth from its house of crap and begins seeking out a suitable chump to prey upon. The Cpafner selects its victim by sensing the subtle vibrations in a person’s bowels, and then strikes by plunging its barbed proboscis into their flesh, sucking the red out. This leaves them with an anus-shaped wound that will never heal, containing a clutch of toxic hot eggs.
The eggs swell and pulsate over the next two weeks, and begin to smell like baked ass.
When they reach the size of a cat’s sweetbreads, the eggs hatch, sending the translucent babies tumbling out of your puckered suck hole coated in a creamy sauce, and taking with them your sense of self worth.
